The Shadows We Cast: Growing Up Too Soon
Hey there,
This week, my sisters and I continue our conversation about growing up with a mother who struggled with undiagnosed and untreated mental illness.
At this point in our story, we were no longer little kids—we were navigating adolescence. For Kate, that meant preparing to leave home. For me, it was the early high school years. For Teresa, she was just entering her tween phase.
If our early childhood was about confusion and secrecy, this part of the story was about strategy and survival.
We weren’t just reacting anymore—we were managing.
We could read the energy of a room before we even walked in. We didn’t know which version of Mom we’d be coming home to, but we’d learned how to adapt.
And we knew, deep down, that we were growing up faster than we should have—and that we were different from our peers.
Here are some of the big themes we unpacked in this episode. If you’ve ever felt like you had to carry too much, too soon, this one’s for you.
1. The Illusion of Normal
Hiding the truth & learning to perform stability
By the time we were teens, we were experts at pretending.
We got our homework done. We laughed with our friends. We looked like every other kid.
But behind the scenes? We were managing chaos.
When you grow up in an unpredictable home, you learn how to put on a good face. You become fluent in “I’m fine.” You master the art of invisibility.
But keeping up that illusion? It’s exhausting.
Something to Think About:
2. Parent-Child Role Reversal
When you become the one holding it all together
At some point, we realized we were more responsible than our own mother.
We made better choices. Saw the consequences more clearly.
We became the stability in our home—and we did it without being asked.
There’s a quiet grief in realizing your parent isn’t your safety net.
But there’s also a fierce resilience in learning how to take care of yourself.
Something to Think About:
What’s one decision you made as a teen that felt more like something a parent should’ve handled?
How does it shape how you show up today?
3. The Balancing Act
Seeking freedom while protecting those left behind
Leaving home is complicated when part of you feels like you can’t.
We wanted to break free—but we worried who we might be abandoning.
We longed for independence—but felt tangled in guilt.
We were torn between protecting the people we loved and saving ourselves.
Something to Think About:
4. Losing Connection
How moving and isolation shaped relationships
When home isn’t stable, nothing feels stable.
We moved a lot. Which meant we had to constantly start over—new friends, new schools, new rules.
But the hardest part? Our mom often kept us from the people we loved.
We lost relationships not by choice, but by control.
Something to Think About:
Have you ever lost touch with someone—not because you wanted to, but because life pulled you apart?
How did that change the way you connect now?
5. Adapting to Survive
The strength (and toll) of constant adjustment
We became adaptable. We could blend in. Adjust. Read a room in seconds.
But adaptability has a cost.
When you’re always shifting to fit the situation, it’s easy to lose track of who you are.
Learning to adjust helped us survive.
Learning to stop adjusting? That’s how healing begins.
Something to Think About:
Want a Moment for Calm?
Each week in my newsletter, I share a Moment for Calm inspired by these themes—creative prompts, gentle reflection, and a chance to pause.
If you want to go deeper, you can sign up HERE (needs a link) and receive my free journaling guide, Create Calm in the Shadows.
Final Thoughts: Creating Calm in the Chaos
Growing up in an unstable home doesn’t just disappear when you leave it behind.
But it can be unpacked. Rewritten. Reclaimed.
That’s what this blog, this podcast, and the #CreateCalmMentalHealth movement are all about—using creative mental health tools and reflection to find stillness in the mess.
To breathe again. To reconnect with the parts of yourself that had to grow up too soon.
If this episode brought something up for you—whether it’s a memory, a coping strategy, or a moment of clarity—I’m so glad you’re here.
Until next time,
Jenn
P.S.
If you haven’t listened to this episode yet, you can find it RIGHT HERE (needs a link).
And if you’d like to receive creative reflections, my weekly journal entries, and a free journaling workbook, you can sign up for the newsletter HERE (needs a link).
